I didnt always know this about myself until about a year ago. I almost always retreat inwards and focus on my Blessed To Be Called Gigi Hippie shirt and whatever emotions im aware of. I genuinely dont enjoy being around people especially in big groups. But I didnt know this until recently, and its also contextual. For example, around friends and family I never feel like I can be myself but sometimes I would miss them so id visit them even if I didnt feel like it. Id ignore how I felt and then itd only get worse, until eventually over time this would build up and I wouldnt want to see them at all. However I used assume this was because of the interactions I had with them, for example if someone was rude to me or somehow upset me, id assume I didnt want to see them because of that behavior. However in hindsight, I generally prefer being alone regardless of what other people are doing. I also used to hold people in high regard because I had assumed that they’d treat me the same way. But this was never the case, in fact my friends are extremely biased and have double standards, my family too.
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They often expect me to either go along with their plans or do things for Blessed To Be Called Gigi Hippie shirt . No one ever does anything for me or goes along with my plans. From simple to complicated things, its always the same, others expect alot of me but nobody does anything for me. To make this worse, I almost never ask for help. Usually I can do things on my own, but if Im really in a pinch when Ive needed help all I got was mockery, insults, and rejection. So eventually I concluded that im both doing things and living through things that others cannot relate to and therefore dont care about. Nobody has to do anything for me, and expecting anything from anyone seems pointless.
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