Yes! As soon as he gets home from work and has some Camper Camping shirt to relax, I will ask him. The biggest thing I know of from what he has discussed is that his parents saw it as an issue of self discipline or laziness – it’s not. In another thread also about ADHD I said it’s like asking a person with broken legs to climb a set of stairs. No amount of talk of “personal responsibility” or any stuff like that will make them able to walk up the stairs, and that isn’t a personal failing. Something that he talked about needing was the freedom to fail without things being taken away, because why bother trying when you know you are likely going to fail and have consequences anyway? My partner needs a lot of forgiveness and understanding. I will talk to him and get back to you tonight!
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It sounds like ODD with an ADHD component, possibly. My Camper Camping shirt has a lot of behavioral/mental health issues so I’ve had to familiarize myself with all kinds of mental health issues to get her proper treatment. Can you look into getting a cognitive behavioral or dialectical behavioral therapist?
The type of behaviors you describe can become quite intractable as they get older. It’s a difficult process and it requires them to want to get better (which is half the battle I know) but I wouldn’t wait for him to show the initiative. One of the best things abt DBT is that it trains the parents how to respond to such super difficult kids. When you can’t get your kid to respond appropriately, DBT will at least give you the framework for the next steps. It still sucks but it’s enormously helpful.