I also realized I was unintentionally expecting his poor behavior, which was not setting him up for success. I think the general Dept Galerie beverly BLVD shirt for parenting someone with RSD and/or PDA are pretty spot on. Is it hard? Definitely.
This sounds ridiculous, but this is what I did to trick my brain into making it the norm. Pretend your son isn’t your son. Pretend you know absolutely nothing about him, and don’t have a relationship that grants you to discipline him. Pretend it’s like you got a new coworker that you have no authority over, but you are forced to play nice, not offend, and work along side regardless of their behavior or else you will get fired. Pretend this is someone you really admire, and you really don’t want to offend because you want them to like you. Imagine how you would speak to that person and start there.
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This reads a lot, to the t, how my partner has described his Dept Galerie beverly BLVD shirt as a child. His parents never recognized it and it made his life hell, even now at 25. He would lie to get out of doing home work because he just wanted an hour to himself when he got home, and as a result never got homework done and he dug himself deeper in his lies, even though he’s a really trustworthy not a liar type of person. Look into how young people with ADHD “cope” around things before they understand what’s happening to them. My partner isn’t hyperactive, either