It can be hard to spot when they aren’t being honest Dietary Manager Leopard Sunflower 2021 shirt about how they feel and go straight into defense/deny/play victim/act like they don’t care. The even trickier thing is he might not even know how to describe how he feels at this age. I definitely didn’t, and by the time I was a teenager I had developed so many negative coping mechanisms that I could look my parents straight in the face and act like I had 0 remorse. Inside I was hurting, but on the outside it looked like I was a psychopath with no empathy. I hated lying, playing stupid, or deflecting blame, but I still did it every single day. The sole reason being my pride and sensitivity to criticism.
My husband unfortunately carried these tendencies into adulthood and the beginning of our marriage. His instant subconscious reactions when he felt criticized/questioned were to lie, bullshit, make excuses etc. I could catch him directly in a lie and he would still adamantly deny it to my face. I could cry and show him how upset I was, but instead of empathy I was met with him “upping the ante”. Inside he felt bad, but instead of admitting it, he would double down and either say horrible shit, or act totally unfazed or the dreaded “I don’t care”. After lots and lots of therapy, the common theme (like myself as a teenager) was his pride and sensitivity to criticism.
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I myself also fell into the wormhole of researching pathological demand avoidance. It definitely fits Dietary Manager Leopard Sunflower 2021 shirt when I look at the behavior of my husband and son from the outside perspective, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was missing the very important aspects of “rejection sensitivity dysmorphia”. I sometimes wonder if there is actually a difference between the two things, or if they were just created and labeled from an “inside perspective” (RSD) and an “outside perspective” (PDA).
My husband and I both shared the experience of being over criticized as kids. The thing is, we probably were, but there were probably countless situations where we perceived criticism and the sensitivity to it created the poor coping mechanisms. The PDA stuff spiraled from sensitivity to criticism, because our brains decided “okay, I can’t do anything right, I’m going to get criticized, I just won’t do it at all”.