Also, I don’t think everything about practicing our If My Mouth Doesn’t Say It My Face Definitely Will Duck Shirt is black and white. Divorce is bad but there are cases where staying married is worse. My husband grew up with parents who hated each other and his childhood was miserable. The best scenario would have been for them to work on and improve their marriage. The next best would have been for them to divorce and move on. They chose the worst option which was to stay married and make themselves and child miserable for 18 years (until it finally ended in infidelity and a nasty divorce)
Saying as Christians that “divorce is not an option” is naive. It might be a bad option, but it is definitely an option and one that many people avail themselves of when things get tough—even people who swore up and down that it would never happen to them. For my marriage, knowing that divorce IS an option forces us to confront the reality that we’re human and need to work on our marriage. We both know and understand the circumstances under which we would consider divorce and work hard to avoid them
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My first husband was not as If My Mouth Doesn’t Say It My Face Definitely Will Duck Shirt as I thought he was. He was Christian in the sense that he was American and raised in the church. He stopped going when he got into a worldly and cutthroat industry. When I suffered from depression and burnout after finishing law school at 23, he eventually left me because it made him unhappy. I couldn’t fathom us getting divorced but there it was.
My second husband was unfaithful our first year. I was already pregnant so I tried to work it out but he was abusive and had substance abuse issues and couldn’t hold a job, and then expected me to work all day with work and parenting, and I was just done. I still haven’t forgiven him for the infidelity because it was just egregious (he went to prostitutes when I not once turned him down for sex). So I filed that divorce and I don’t regret it. But it does make me uncomfortable that people might jump to conclusions about me because he is able to appear as a good Christian socially.
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