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However, it is a big mistake to take this sign for granted. Never confuse Cancer’s generally kind nature for being a patsy. Taking advantage of him will result in disaster; he is not the smartest member of the 12, but he is no dunce either. Generally, Cancer will not show it is even angry on the surface. First he gets passive-aggressive, and then BAM! HUUGE EXPLOSION THAT SHOCKS EVERYONE AND MAKES THEM CRAP THEMSELVES WITH FEAR. Cancer is a water sign, a Cardinal sign, so its nature is to be tranquil and sweet right up until the hurricane comes out of nowhere. They are moody. They never forget a slight. Many often underestimate the mousy brown haired Cancer because he is hardworking, an agony aunt for everybody, and gets laughed at a lot for Iron Maiden The Trooper T Shirt Black like a baby when watching “E.T.” Most people will expect that he will eat his feelings like he always does when he is unhappy (Cancer has a secret fetish for binge eating; chocolate ice cream is like kryptonite to him.) This sign is not reticent about showing its feelings when it is sad or hurt. It is awful to watch. The temperature of the room drops and it is like it won’t stop raining.
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This isn’t a genuine attempt to understand God, this is just an inferiority-superiority complex. Father doesn’t care to understand anything about God. All he cares about is himself, and acquiring power for himself. Power is all he’s after, to assuage his inferiority complex. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting power (e.g. Mustang), but godlike power to command the universe is a byproduct of having properly completed the alchemical process and become the Philosopher’s Stone. It is not the end in and of itself. “Ego” isn’t having a sense of self, it’s the inability to understand the spiritual. It’s viewing everything in a mundane lens, having all your motivations be ultimately small and petty, no matter how grand the spectacle. It’s wanting power or glory or whatnot just to make yourself feel better, but not having the self-awareness to actually admit that. The first stage of the alchemical process is nigredo, death — watching your old self die away so that it can be reborn as a better version of Iron Maiden The Trooper T Shirt Black. Father never understands this, and The Truth says as much.
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She would do well, for a while, attend a birthday party for a kid or whatever, then relapse. When things hit bottom, I would get her a big bottle of vodka, give her some headphones, and start playing Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs, seasons one through seven. The next day, a smaller bottle, later on in the day. [NB: I believe the alcoholic liver releases pain killers into the brain when attacked by alcohol for prolonged periods, so I started scheduling longer and longer rest breaks.] The bottles got smaller and smaller and eventually she was able to make it through the day without the promise of another bottle at the end of the day. One time, on a last day, I made her a Bloody Mary with the first of the last bottle. She spit it out, because she didn’t like tomato juice. I went through a whole moral dilemma of whether to somehow replace it, since I felt so bad about wasting some of a last bottle. I think I left a few beers in the kitchen fridge for her to “steal”. You have no idea how much an ounce of liquid can affect a person. Sure, you’re killing yourself, but for one brief glorious moment… And I went with her to the hospital time and again. I had the same conversation with the doctors over and over. I was an EMT and had started on paramedic training so this was actually interesting for me. I got to use cool words, like superventricular tachycardia. It was a learning experience. One day, she had pulled herself together enough to hold down a Iron Maiden The Trooper T Shirt Black and rent a cheap shack somewhere up in the mountains.
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