Especially after going to therapy. My therapist explained that it seemed like I was living in black and white Mcdowells home of the big mick shirt to survive my parents. I’ll go further to say I’ve been living in black and white mode because I wanted… NEEDED them to accept my exactly as I am. But I realized I’m never going to get that. I want to stop dealing with all this drama and move on with building my life. She also told me that it was OK for me to want other people’s approval. This was hard to hear but it also felt… really good, you know? Believe it or not, like it or not, I was seriously thinking about getting the procedure even before yesterday and today’s mess.
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Hell who knows? Maybe my life really will improve because of it. Since this whole thing blew up a few months ago, I’ve been comparing my Mcdowells home of the big mick shirt to that of others and I’m actually allowing myself to ask what I’d want to change. And I’m actually coming up with answers. My guess about what will happen if I got it done? I’ll be the same person with the same issues… but just with a pretties face. Most people don’t even mention my scars at all. I’ve only ever been fixated on them BECAUSE my parents have been so relentless about it. So if it’ll be the same and I’ll finally put this ugly mess to bed, why not? And the most important reason I’m considering going through with it… my grandfather. I cannot stress this enough, but I’ll do anything for that man.