I have been jealous of girls who I thought were prettier, had more money, had bigger breasts. But I got over it. Years ago. Like…who fucking cares??? I was mad and jealous that I wasn’t white when I was 15. That I had to live in a rough neighborhood with roughnecks. I got over it. They are jealous because they want what they can’t have and don’t ever realize they are enough. They project they are gods but inside they are weak, miserable people who feel worthless. And that hurts. It’s an inescapable drip of torture serum into their brains. they project their insecurity onto others. I believe they CAN choose between “good and/or bad” behavior- as we all do. I don’t think anyone’s childhood was perfect. It’s not meant to be. We, as souls, came here to learn and grow. In the dark, we dig up to the Official Where We Say Christmas 2021 Lets Go Brandon Anti Biden T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater.But from observing my father, my sister, and my ex spouse they are stuck. Stuck in fear, jealousy and anger at inner demons they can’t escape from. Living in fear and insecurity everyday from some brain washing/ abuse they received as a child. I believe they are aware of it or else it wouldn’t bother them so much. Perhaps that’s when one becomes a psychopath. When you just don’t give a shit at all. Total numbness.
I lived with many of them in my hotel/apartment complex for 6 years in the 1990s. Our Hotel housed let’s just say everybody excluding the 5 million dollars a year plus actors and musicians. Production companies put them up at our hotel as it was beautiful and reasonably priced. We all had stories as we all hung out with them or observed some of the Official Where We Say Christmas 2021 Lets Go Brandon Anti Biden T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater of them who were high or drunk. We chatted in the exercise room, elevator, and walked dogs together. Most of the time we talked about restaurants and life. If they did engage in conversation they would likely speak about what project they were doing in town. Some of the people/friends living in the hotel were also Entertainment lawyers, Wardrobe people, and B-actors.
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When my Meme (a red nosed pitbull) was brought to me, she was dying. As soon as I held her, I was smitten with her. She was so cute and so tiny. She licked my face and stole my heart. But within a couple of days, she was dying. Vomiting and diarrhea that was sludge. I knew there was blood in it. I knew I had to act quickly. I begged for financial help to get her to an emergency vet and thankfully my mom came through for me. The sweet little puppy craddled in my arms was diagnosed with parvovirus. A killer parasite. The vets and their teams saved her and she eventually saved me from myself. I don’t know if it was because I just loved her so much or if she listened when I begged her to live during that trying time of Official Where We Say Christmas 2021 Lets Go Brandon Anti Biden T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater being sick or if she was just a very special dog, but she became my protector, my best friend, my confidant, my therapist, my source of entertainment… So many things but especially my heart. She made it beat again, she taught me about love and responsibility and mostly about purpose.
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So holiday gone and i am hurt that she would cause a Official Where We Say Christmas 2021 Lets Go Brandon Anti Biden T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater to my family or anyone for no darn good reason and at xmas time to boot. well we still behaved as perfectly as we have been raised and only decided maybe i should ply her with baked sweets . well bless their young sweet hearts but im retired before her and no thanks on all that effort to win over someone so callously irrational and its not like she was lonely reaching out she had all kinds of guests cars parked over there we only had the mini bus she gets the “largest coal lump EVER SANTA”( And to think that the she said the previous nieghbors killed her pet? well perish the thought none of us would ever, but its no wonder and the other neighbors were white, go figure its not race but a class she thinks she needs to fear and try to drive away from her in one day lady malevolent next door idk but im sad for her to treat us this way i wanted so to make this a memorable holiday so the kids would want to spend it here. I no longer look forward to gardening out in my yard in the least as all i can do is feel like someone (her for one) is watching me not wanting me to be there. God dont like ugly, old lady who lives next door, and that was some xmas BUNK you really could’ve just kept for yourself.
By Xmas I’ll be transferring from a Official Where We Say Christmas 2021 Lets Go Brandon Anti Biden T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater family home with enough money in the bank to become homeless poor and broke. While she has already set up her new pretend life where she’s assaulted my son by punching head butting and biting him. Ongoing verbal abuse is abhorrent, yet police won’t even speak with her about it let alone lay any charges. She somehow manages to deflect any attention to her from child protection, police family and friends. While I go to the grocery store and people look at me in disgust. She also won’t give my two dogs back to me which she abuses . So in my case I don’t need to dig deep to hate her but I need to dig deep to pull myself out of this depressive state of mind I’ve been in for almost two years. This pathetic behaviour was after I found my father on his kitchen floor where he suffered a heart attack. Then over a five week period he also got pneumonia and then sadly passed three days before my birthday and buried three days afterwards. I was made to feel guilty because a week after his burial the ex narc started with her derogatory comments telling me that I was lazy for laying in bed all day doing nothing while she was having to do extra burdens as she put it and also pfft at my depression and anxiety diagnosis. Thanks for taking the time to read and it’s somewhat comforting knowing that people understand what I’m on about where as the closest people around you don’t fully understand the devastating impact this takes on someone let alone children.