Girl with a Pearl Earring: Sometimes referred to as “the Dutch Mona Lisa”, the Girl with a Pearl Earring was painted by Johannes Vermeer. Very little is known about Vermeer and his works and this painting is no exception. It isn’t dated and it is unclear whether this work was commissioned, and if so, by whom. In any case, it is probably not meant as a Santa Claus ho ho ho mosecual Christmas shirt portrait. Tracy Chevalier wrote a historical novel fictionalizing the circumstances of the painting’s creation. The novel inspired a 2003 film with Scarlett Johansson as Johannes Vermeer’s assistant wearing the pearl earring.
Toby would try anything. He would fix the indifferent, hard-faced audience with his wistful blue eyes and say, “Did you ever see an Eskimo pee?” He would put his two hands in front of his fly, and ice cubes would dribble out. He would put on a turban and wrap himself in a sheet. “Abdul, the snake charmer,” he would intone. He would play a flute, and out of a wicker basket a cobra began to appear, moving rhythmically to the music as Toby pulled wires. The snake’s body was a douche bag, and its head was the nozzle. There was always someone in the audience who thought it was funny. He did the standards and the Santa Claus ho ho ho mosecual Christmas shirt s and the platters, where you laid the jokes in their laps. He had dozens of tricks. He had to be ready to switch from one bit to another, before the beer bottles started flying.
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When we were kids his father, Grandpa Arnie used to call every Sunday at 7 to make his rounds and check in with everyone. And everyone would get annoyed that they had to get on the Santa Claus ho ho ho mosecual Christmas shirt lol. “Its your turn! No its yours!” My sisters and I would argue, inevitably delaying the conversations that always ended up putting smiles on our faces. And at 35, its a past time that I will always remember. My father carried this on…but I was so comforted by it. And the past year, well I assumed he must be hating how many times I call. Lol I called my dad sometimes just to hear “Hey Jamie you know what?” The answer was always I love you. And I wish so badly I could just hear it One more time. I dont care if Im a grown ass woman….I miss him so so much.
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