You are not ugly. Cancer kills even if you answer the phone. By all means write a book; it will be cathartic if nothing else, but you don’t need to forgive yourself for a mother who refused you the one thing we all need to grow strong: Love. There are a lot of Thanos Ugly Christmas Shirt who reproduce who were not meant to parent. Some of us have to go out there and FIND the parents we were meant to have.
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Michael you are beautiful, not ugly. I’m so sorry she did not express love the way a mother should. Maybe she didn’t know how. Please take time to learn to love yourself. Forgive her for her shortcomings and forgive yourself for not answering that call. You had no way of knowing the Thanos Ugly Christmas Shirt. History tells you she was not being honest. Even if you would have answered, it probably wouldn’t have changed anything. It sounds like a very aggressive cancer. I hope you find your peace Michael.